If I Fall You're Going Down With Me
by Riah-chan
Summary: Ruki internal monologue on boys and such. Ryoruki with Jenruki elements. Set as a prologue to a possible future series. Please R&R.


If I Fall You're Going Down With Me

Prologue to Love is a Battlefield (if I ever get around to writing it...)

  
  


***

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Ruki, Ryo, Jen, or any other characters or concepts from Digimon Tamers. The title and the lyrics belong to the Dixie Chicks and all sorts of people who aren't me.

  
  


Spoiler Warning: This story contains spoilers for the end of Digimon Tamers.

***

  
  


I never used to think of boys as, well, boys. They were usually just annoying in a different way than girls. Girls were always all giggly and wanting to be cute. Ugh! Boys were... well they were usually just immature and stupid. coughhirokazucough Except Jen... he was always a little different from the other boys. And... hmm... let's not talk about him yet.

  
  


When I was ten, I, surprisingly at the time, started hanging out with this group. We all became close. Saving the world together does that to you. When everything returned to normal after D-Reaper, we continued to hang out together... those of us that could anyway. They made an effort to include me in everything, digimon and non-digimon related alike. Even when we entered middle school and they went to their new school and I stayed at mine, they continued to include me. It was... nice.

  
  


Three years after D-Reaper, we were finally able to make arrangements with Mr. Lee and Mr. Yamaki for another trip to the Digital World. It took that long between Takato finding the reopened portal and that summer for the portal to open enough to travel through. Everyone who had a partner came, including Shuichon and Ai. (Mako couldn't come... I heard it took a lot of begging and convincing for their parents to even let Ai go.) Even Juri, whose previous experience in the Digital World had not been exactly pleasant, joined us. We spent about three weeks of our summer vacation there tracking down our partners and having fun. Most of our partners had stayed together by a few... well some people's partners liked to wander.

  
  


So we were thirteen (most of us), stuck alone in the Digital World and hormones were flying. I swear, if Juri and Takato weren't my friends, their cutsey, lovey-dovey stuff would make me throw up. Hirokazu and Kenta alternated between complaining that they couldn't go places and see pretty girls and trying to show off for Shuichon and Ai. Mostly, they succeeded... in making themselves look like idiots in front of a pair of ten-year-olds. With the incredible high of reuniting with Renemon, plus watching all of that go on, I still found the time to notice that being around Jen and... some people for extended periods of time wasn't all that bad. Stupid hormones.

  
  


I came home confused. I didn't want to notice boys as anything other than annoying people who just happened to be of the opposite gender. I didn't want to find myself enjoying the sound of Jen's voice when he laughed or have my mind drift into thinking about a stupid pair of cerulean eyes that crinkle just so when... some people smile. I wanted to have my rush of annoyance back when I saw that smile instead of a rush of heat to my face.

  
  


I guess I'll have to write his name sometime. The other boy I started noticing was grrr Ryo grrr. But he wasn't really a boy anymore. He was still taller than the other guys, though Hirokazu and Jen were catching up. His muscles had started filling out so he wasn't as skinny as the younger group. His skin had maintained its bronze complexion, which had only been enhanced by three weeks in the digital sun. And his stupid face and eyes and smile were still as perfect as when we first met. And his personality didn't really bother me anymore... except that it did! It all drove me nuts! I swore to myself that I was happy he lived on another island so I didn't have to see it much. But... I missed him when he went home after the trip. Not just looking at him but seeing him every day and interacting with him. And that annoyed me even more! I started snapping at anyone who even mentioned his name. I think everyone thought I was mad at him like when we first met. And I was... just for different reasons.

  
  


I was mad at Jen too. Looking back now, my thoughts didn't linger on him as much as they did on Ryo but he was there and therefore a more convenient target. I was confronted with my hormone-induced feelings every time I saw him. It was distracting! It got in the way of things I wanted to do and think. I just wanted it all to go away so I could get back to normal and that wasn't happening. So I was angry.

  
  


For about a month, from the outside, it looked like I had returned to my Ice Queen persona. I was cranky and short with almost everyone. I wouldn't even talk to Jen. It finally got to the point that Hirokazu and Kenta were afraid to come near me and Takato was back to being wary that I would hurt him. The only ones spared were Renemon and Juri. Renemon had got my problem out of me early on... at least about Jen. I think she already knew about Ryo. And, I just couldn't be mean to Juri.

  
  


At the end of the month, Jen had had enough of being ignored and hearing about my bad behavior from the others so he confronted me about the way I was acting. I finally got mad enough that I told him it was his fault because I thought I liked him.

  
  


He looked very shocked and got quiet. I started turning red and got quiet. Then he asked why that made me angry. I was still livid enough to list out all the reasons that I didn't want to like anyone or have a boyfriend and how I hated feeling awkward around one of my friends.

  
  


Then he got that serious and wise look on his face and considered what I had said. Seeming to come to a conclusion, he suggested that we go out a few times, not on dates, just as friends. If I enjoyed it, we could continue and possibly start actually dating... if not, we would just stop.

  
  


I still don't know if he returned my feelings at that time or if he was just helping me work through my crush. Anyway, we went out several times over the next few weeks and I found myself able to go back to being friends with him instead of daydreaming about him or being nervous around him. On our final outing as a non-couple, I told him that. He smiled and said he was glad that I had figured out my feelings. Maybe he knew me better than I knew myself and predicted what was going to happen. When we separated to go home, I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He blushed at that. If I ever had a brother, I think I would want it to be someone like Jen.

  
  


While my problem with Jen was solved, the one with Ryo just continued to get worse. I found myself thinking about him a lot more than I particularly wanted to, especially when he would come to Tokyo for a visit. Like I said before, I was glad but unhappy that he lived so far away. Dealing with him for a long weekend was hard enough, but I missed him when he left. I buried any outside show of my feelings in an attack and defense of words. The others were usually reluctant to interfere with our verbal sparring.

  
  


Renemon was no help either, at least not in any way that I wanted. She seemed more amused by it than anything. And she kept telling me that I should talk to him, citing what had happened with Jenrya as and example. But I wouldn't, I couldn't, and I still haven't. Whenever I considered it, it felt like I was showing too much weakness and putting myself at a disadvantage... it wasn't that I didn't trust him, but I didn't know how he would react or even how I wanted him to react. And there was the distance factor. And there were always too many people around... whatever.

  
  


So, as of yet, there has been no talk of feelings between myself and Mr. Akiyama. However, that is going to change. It's been almost three years now. I'm in high school. He's in university. And transferring to one in Tokyo. Across town, about an hour by subway, but it's not Kyushuu. And I'm fairly sure he has some sort of attraction to me... either that or he's a bigger flirt and a bigger airhead than even I've ever thought.

  
  


I'm ready now and I'm going to get him. It's going to be on my terms. He's unknowingly tortured me for about three years and now it's my turn to be in charge.

  
  


****

  
  


"If I fall you're going down with me

You're going down with me baby if I fall

You can't take back all the little chills you give me

You're going down with me baby heart and all"

  
  


****

  
  


Author's Notes: (June 5, 2002, 3:50 a.m.) I am exhausted! I was just about to go to bed, three hours ago, when a little Ruki voice popped into my head and demanded to be written. She was scary so I couldn't refuse. So, now I've finished a very rough, pencilled draft in longhand. sigh I have to be up in four hours for work. These new muses are much more demanding than my old ones... Sou-chan, Chiriko, where have you gone? Right now, they are demanding to be typed immediately... the spirit is willing but the flesh is exhausted and has to be up in four hours. (June 5, 2002, 11:40 p.m.) Finally got to edit and type this. I'm very nervous about this story because I have absolutely no objectivity on it... the characters are consistent with what I have in my head but I'm not sure how they come out to other people. Please review and let me know. This story was inspired by the Dixie Chicks song of the same name from the album 'Fly.' (Almost all of my stories are inspired by music...) Rockin' song. Rockin' album. Highly recommend it.

  
  


I also recommend joining the Ruki_and _Ryo mailing list if you like this couple! It's the place to go if you want a little R&R. ^_^ The address is:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ruki_and_Ryo/

  
  


Thanks for reading this far down! Please R&R! (Both types ^_~)

  
  


Riah-chan


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